Much better now...

[thelake]

Accomplishing something, anything is always good for the soul.



I was really depressed yesterday. I had lots of plans for the day, but at the end I did nothing but watched 11 episodes of Friends. Eleven episodes, in one sitting. That's how empty that day was.

I haven't been able to write or do anything productive last 2 weeks. I even forgot to update one of my web books (POL) and nobody even asked if I was gonna update it, LOL! I'm glad I managed to go outside last Saturday, because if I didn't have that day it would have been worse now.

These times are so common in my life, I know exactly why I'm depressed, but I can't do anything about it. The main reason why I was depressed is because I was very lazy in the office these past weeks. Things were going so slow and everyday I returned home without doing anything. Projects were lined up, couple of them were overdue, etc. etc. I can't believe how much it effects my daily life, I never thought I would be thinking about work this much.

My brain prioritize things without my knowledge. In this case it made work > everything, and since I didn't have any accomplishments at work for a very long time my brain gave an error message to my soul, hence DEPRESSION.

I become such a bitch when I'm depressed about something. awakencordy knows those times the best. It's crazy, because I never want to hurt anyone, but words come out so harsh, so fast, I end up hurting my friends and family, and myself the most. I try not to speak sometimes, but then people start asking questions, "Are you ok?" "What is wrong?" "Why are you so quiet?" Well, I DON'T WANT TO TALK. Then here comes another hurtful word vomit.

And my depressions are so sudden, so out of nowhere, people get suprised all the time. I tend to seem happier than I actually am, and when I can't fake it anymore I just go quiet and hurtful which is the final stage of my depressions.

Thank god I managed to do some work today. Lots of work actually. I came into the office at 8:30 and for the first time I began working right away. I'm almost done with one of the overdue projects, I'm hoping to be all done by the end of the day :)

As for the lack of my writing; I thought I was bored with the story, so I tried plotting something different (even an entirely new universe), but it didn't feel right. So it's not about the boredom, I'm sure I'll be better this weekend. I'm not making any plans at all, it will be all about writing. No dinners, no movies, nothing! I should be able to concentrate. I'll tell my folks the same thing, I'm sure they'll understand...

My stomach itches. Interesting.

Comments

[aftersix.livejournal.com]

I hate those random depressions that come out of nowhere. And I also get your frustration when people won't stop asking what's wrong when you really just wanna be left alone. Oh well, at least remind yourself that they ask because they care ♥

Feel better!

[thelake.livejournal.com]

yes you're right ♥ when i think about it later, it feels good to be cared about...

I'm feeling much better today, thanks dear :)